clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
