I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
