my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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