How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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