I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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