I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize