This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
