yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
