i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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