Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
