it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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