I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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