My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
