Cold hands, warm shart.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
