good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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