I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
