he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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