drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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