its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
