is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
