On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
