Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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