but the lizard people decide everything anyway
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
