I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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