Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
what day is it and did you see me today?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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