It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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