you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
