worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
