I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
