ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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