fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
