...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
