Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
