first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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