He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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