I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize