he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My vagina is officially offended.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
