my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You're like the curious george of whores
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize