yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
