Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Someone shit on the floor
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i came on her dog
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
