Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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