I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
