Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
