Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
