She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
