it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
