she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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