my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize