I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
