And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
