My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
