It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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