also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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