You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
