I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
