I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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