tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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