I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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