guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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