I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
