yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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