I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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