There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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