On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Actions speak louder than pants.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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