This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
