i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
