Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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