I don't think brook has ever known best
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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