I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
