I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
