Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
