I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
